Strap Wars: Shots Were Fired, Friends Lost, and I Can’t Stress Enough That This is 100% Made Up and Totally Fake
by Chris Antzoulis
Once a generation there seems to be a great war. In 1969 Seiko released their first quartz watch, and thus began the Quartz Crisis.
Many brands fell. Some withered away into oblivion, others were bought by large fashion houses, and lives were lost (ok, maybe not that last one).Somehow, though, the watch community survived; in fact, the community thrived. Quartz and mechanical learned to live in blissful coexistence. However, the chill of war is upon us once again. It may still be flying under your radar, but if you open your eyes, you’ll see that sides are being taken.
The #KhakiNatoGang and #MustardNatoGang have been drawing lines on the battlefield and we are all getting caught in the dead zone of their tension. No one knows how long this feud has been bubbling under the surface, has it been months? Years? DECADES? (Weeks…it’s definitely been weeks). But if we trace back pictures on the gram, history dictates that this all started with @watchthisdive and his affinity for the Khaki nato straps. It was an innocent passion. Just a man expressing his love for a color that the rest of us can’t quite place. Is it brown? A really muted green? Perhaps brown mixed with some green? Regardless, this was a true passion.
Eventually, Brando started his own strap company, @anchorstrapco, to share his passion with us as a community. In this time, he recruited Corey ( @enthuseddad ) to the cause, and the #KhakiNatoGang was born. Although what Brando didn’t know was that Corey brought with him a festering feud with Stephen Nichols ( @talkingabouttime ). From my research the first shot was fired on February 3, 2024. Stephen posted a harmless photo of his Vertex M100A on a mustard nato strap asking simply, “Are you team strap or team bracelet?” most of the comments were benign, Corey slid in with, “If it’s a mustard strap, then definitely a bracelet.”
I know men who have died for far less a transgression than this. So once Corey officially joined forces with Brando, and formed the #KhakiNatoGang, Stephen had no choice but to try and defend his honor by creating the #MustardNatoGang. Sometime after, Brando, taking sides with his new compatriot Corey in the feud, declared the #MustardNatoGang dead. Filled with a fire in his belly for condiments and retribution, Stephen then made a move that some may say was the official declaration of war. On June 7, 2024 Stephen posted THREE watches on mustard nato straps, his Vertex M100A, his Omega Seamaster Diver 300, and his Seiko spb143.
He called for a lume battle to crush the #KhakiNatoGang. This was the dawn of Strap Wars. What followed this battle was total chaos. Attacks were not only in posts anymore, they lashed out at all hours of the day and night through stories and reels.
No prisoners are being taken, and absolutely no one in the enthusiast community is safe. However, all hope is not yet lost. Because on June 9, 2024, a hero came riding in on a flamboyant steed (his unicorn, Buttercup) with his sidekick, Phantom of the Pupra. This valiant human saw that both the #KhakiNatoGang and the #MustardNatoGang lacked a certain sparkle, which in and of itself was enough of an offense. This hero was none other than @PoppingCrowns … that’s right, IT ME! I forged the #HotPinkNatoGang out of glitter, sparkles, and sequins. I am battle born and ready to ride across the blood-soaked terrain of the Strap Wars and end this nonsense once and for all!Be cautious in your quest to post a new watch, or your next wrist shot. The gangs of the watch community are flying their colors and are watching your every move. Choose sides and alliances knowing full well it could be a decision that impacts your lineage. You may no longer be safeguarding your watches for the next generation, rather you would be passing your alliances, offenses, and commendations down to your next of kin, who will have to live with the decisions you made during the Strap Wars.
**Again…the Strap Wars are 100% made up, and all parties involved are friends, who had decided to spin a fiction for your amusement.**
